Thursday, February 21, 2008
The Day I Got My Dog/DustinH
It started out as an ordinary day. Jumping on my trampoline and swimming in my pool. All of a sudden I see my Mom going in our beige Impala. So I dart off the trampoline and I just barely get there in time and I asked her if I could come and she said “no” in a stern voice. I asked why I can’t go and she said “because I want some alone time” in a stern voice again. Astonished as she went off I wondered why she didn’t let me go. After a few hours I called her on the cellphone and asked her to pick up some gummy worms. Then she said I'm already on my way home so I said okay. About ten minutes later she called and said to go get the mail with my siblings and I. so we went to go get the mail and my sister pushed me in the grass. Then we all start laughing. We just got the mail and we're on our way home and my moms car is in the drive way. So we sprint when we see that that she has something that looks like a kennel. Then my mom lets the dog out of the kennel. then my sister screams oh my god. After five years of asking for a dog we finaly got a dog.
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5 comments:
Really good story, but you should probably separate it into paragraphs. Also, if you added morr detail, it'd be even better. Maybe check your spelling and punctuation over after you're done typing.
Just about perfect! You had my full attention and it was a great suprise in the end! I only suggest some moderations in your sentences, fluency is key.
Yo Stephanie i have no clue what moderations are. But i really like your comment. see ya.
Heyy Sara i really apreciate your feedback. I'll try to check my punctuation and the other stuff you said. :) :p
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