Jaws catch
Jaws is a 11 old boy who’s real name is George.
He is called Jaws because he is an awesome fisherman.
“I mean he fishes every day of the year”.
He lives in a in a old fish shack near the water.
His parents are very poor and he often brings home salmon for supper.
One perfect fishing day, the sun was shinning and the water was calm, Jaws went fishing. That day he caught a Orange Ruffy. The Orange Ruffy is a endangered fish that has a life span of over 100 years. It is just not cool to eat any thing older than your grandmother. When he was reeling in the fish it took him 10 minutes to put him in the net. He decided to sell the fish.
With the money he bought a new fishing rod when he sold it to the store he got paid $200.00 for the Fishing rod. The next day a endangered fish keeper went to Jaws' house he said you have to give back the $200.00.
"But I have bought a fishing rod."
Jaws ran until he got to the fish keeper’s car he hopped in it and he drove a way with his new fishing rod. Until he got to a hotel that was called Fisher man point hotel.The hotle has over 100 fishing ponds. Jaws stayed for 1week he caught all the fish in every pond.
When Jaws left the cops came to the hotle.Jaws drove frome the cops untle he found a gas station Jaws filled the car.Jaws did't pay the man.
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6 comments:
The description in you story is very well done! The idea does well to keep the reader interested too. The only thing that you could change to make the story even better would be to make the sentences a little bit shorter. A few of your sentences could be cut in half to give your story better rhythm, but over all your story has really come along since your first draft. Good job!
Haha! That was hilarious! We especially liked your "It's just not cool to eat anything older than your grandmother." You are very creative. One thing you may want to work on is the ending of your story. At the beginning of your piece, you use great amounts of detail. Maybe you could use more detail in your ending to make your story that much better. Great job! You made us laugh for about ten minutes straight!
This story was a pleasure to read. You have an excellent sence of humor and imagination. To improve your story, I suggest you try and extend your ending, you seem to rush into it. When the man comes requesting his 200$ explain why he would want it. (But don't take out the stealing the car part, thats funny!)All in all, a fun read!
Shamus your story was very funny. It was rather entertaining and you had alot of good ideas.
The begining of the story was really descriptive and you showed lots of knowledge in the subject. One thing i would try to improve on is your ending. Maybe, make the fish keeper chase Jaws, or maybe make them get into a fish off were one preson has to catch the bigger fish.
Keep up the good work, Shamus
The story was fantastic, especially hilarious at the fact that an 11 year old boy ran and stole someones car. You should have ended with something more reasonable like the police chasing down Jaws.
This is a really good story, I like how it was so descriptive. I could really see your how well you though things out. I also enjoyed the comedy factor, it really made the story. I only have one suggestion, and that is to make you conclusion longer. Great job!
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