Sara family had just moved from Florida to New York . Sara really loved her bedroom in Flordia because of the blue walls and she always liked looking out the window to see the beautiful blue ocean . Sara is a little scared to see her bedroom in New York she is going to miss the blue walls and not seeing the ocean from her room .
Sara arrives at her new house she opends the door , walks down the hallway to her new bedroom. Its not blue its black! Sara looked out the window , she didnt see an ocean she seen a white house with black trim . Sara ran down the hallway to the kitchen were her mom and dad were putting dishes away .
she looked at her parents her eyes full tears , she roared my bedroom is black , I hate it ! Sara's mom told her that she would paint her bedroom this weekend it would be ready before she stared school so that made her alot better . Sara's parents painted her bedrooom blue and they put pink butterflies on her wall.
Today is Sara's first day of school she is worried about making friends , if her classmates and her teacher are going to be nice . Sara sees the yellow bus with red and yellowlight flashing . Sara walks onto the bus and tries to find a seat . She sat with a girl who looked like she might be a little worried to . Sara told the girl her name and asked what her named was . She said "Jane" , she told Sara that it was her first day at the new school also. Sara and Jane stared talking and by the time they got to school it was like they new each other for years .
Sara and Jane Followed the teacher to the class ; they walked in the class and found a seat . Of course they sat beside each other since they didn't know any of the other students . The teacher told them that her name was Mrs. Flower . She also told the class that there were two new students in the class , Jane and Sara .
Mrs . Flower asked Jane whee she was from . Jane tolfd her she was from Alberta . Then the teacher asked Sara where she was from and she said Florida . Mrs . Flower asked Sara and Jane to get out a brand to new notebook and write math on it , then she told the class to write down six hundred and thirty - two thousand and then write it in words .
Ding , Ding come on everybody that is the fire alarm . We must get in a straight line , quickly , quickly students . Students were screaming ( GO FASTER I'M SCARED) . Sara and Jane were both scared to . When they got outside Mrs.Flower got them all line up by the playground .
Mrs . Flouwer told them that they could go back to class it was just a practice fire drill .
It was 2:50 so everybody had to get ready to go home . They got all their things and went out to get on the bus to go home . Sara and Jane realizd that they were neighbors and they were firends ever since .
Sara and Jane came to understand that it is hard to have change in your lift and that it is alright to be scared . But if we put ourselves out there we can make new friends and overcome any obstacles that we may face.
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3 comments:
Great job, Katelyn! Your story was very well thought out! We really liked how well you described Sara's surroundings. We got a great idea of what Sara's rooms looked like. To improve your story further, maybe you could work on the structure of your sentences. Try to make them flow more naturally. It is a wonderful piece of writing. We really liked it.
Your story is really good! You have really great descriptions of Sara's emotions about moving, and losing her old bedroom that she loved. You also use paragraphs really well!
To improve your writing, you should use more punctuation. Use quotation marks when a character talks, specifically when Sara tells her parents she hates her new room. Also try to use periods at the end of every sentence to make your story easier to read. You should also say why Sara's family is moving to New York, and try to give a little bit of background information on Jane so readers can better understand what she is like, like why she is new at school, and if she just moved, where she moved from.
Overall your story is really well-written and just needs a few minor touch-ups.
Great story! It was very well written the way you revealed Sara's feelings about not wanting to move. Also, it was great to see you using paragraphs. Maybe next time, shorten up your setences a little but overall, good job!
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